So be it

Life is a big experience. And this big experience is composed of all these small adventurers and experiences we do every day.

When I was young I was curious and opened to different ideas and different people. I was happy to share myself and befriended almost everyone I came across. I wanted to be the most popular person I knew. Then, I was a working in a buying office and people skill was more effective than legal contracts.

In another part of the world, things got a bit harsh for me when I switched over. Working in a factory was different than working in an office. I saw less people and started to work like silos liked people around me did. Worked like a machine and got paid like one. I felt little and didn't want to go on like that. I didn't want to admit I was a failure either.

When there is life, there is a way. Been a carefree if not careless person before, I was never a big fan of the unfriendliness of computers before: too much to remember to use, everything needed to be fairly accurate. On the other hand, computer studies was quite straight forward - do as you were told and you got consistent results. I started taking computer classes.

Computer training changed me. I took high school Math again to gain my qualification to study in a new country. I was working part-time in a drug store while doing my classes. Not the most relaxing thing in the world, but I had been too comfortable for my first 25 years of life. Mathematics suddenly became my friend. I had not demand myself to be 100% since high school.

Studying in the local polytechnic school was a quick 2-year. The likes grouped together most of the time. I was not always available for the Chinese student society because I had my own schedule of work and family, but I had some good friends. Mindless talks, tough homeworks, good laughs. Life was once again simpler and truer. I got by with a little help from my friends. I missed these years. I was lucky/ unlucky to go through post-secondary twice.

The path ahead of me was not exactly what I started and planned for but it didn't look too bad and my own expectations were manageable. Work got better, and I learned the true relationships between accuracy and repeatable results. My pervious approximative personality wouldn't apply here. I am now working in computing, in math, in 0 or 1. The compiler was not a very forgiving piece of software. As time goes by, computer programmer like me adopt become a compiler. People become less important than being right.

I was attached to my experiences. I want my repeatable successes. Went back to school to do my applied degree in part-time. I gained knowledge from the courses and at the same time I was obsessed after my first hard earned distinction. Following the law of the diminishing marginal return: getting a pass takes some efforts, but to get full marks takes an unproportional amount of time, efforts and devotions. It was completely non-economical, but this was one of the most rewarding things in life.

Pretty soon, I was possessed by the classes, or by my own silliness of virtual perfection. I worked and pushed myself to the edge until I said it was good enough. I am becoming slaves of my obsessions. I own my house or my house own me? I own my car or my car owns me? I own my life or if my life owns me? I own my computer? My work owns me? I just have too much time in my hands to waste 50% of the project time to make the last 4 of the 5% work. Of course this may imply ineffective project management, think I should put the items in the rest area more.

Life is perfect, I am not, so be it. Easy to say, depending on the subject, the correct application is the hardest part indeed.